Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Letting Go

     It's always difficult to let go.  My grandmother's illness has taken a turn for the worse. Her steps are getting shorter and her breathing is becoming shallow. No matter how much medicine she takes and how many doctor's appointments she has, her body is tired.  And it is ready to stop fighting.  My grandmother is ready to go.  She now speaks of being tired, seeing her deceased husband and transcending to heaven.  She tells me to stick with your family and love each other.  There is something final in the words she speak.
      She used to talk about planting her garden for the summer.  She no longer talks about that anymore.  She also used to talk about her friends.  These days most of her friends have passed away.   She talks about how much she misses her parents and older brother. Grandma wishes she could see them once more. Hear their laughter and see them smile. Just to sit together once more and savor their company. She  remenance about their childhood and migrating from the South to the North.
     Letting go is not easy.  I want to be selfish and say, "Grandma, you said you would live to be 100. You have to stay four more years." But instead I say, "Grandma, I love you," as I give her a bath, lotion her up, shake talc powder on her back and french braid her hair. Letting go is hard to do. When you've had a constant person with you for so long.  It's OK to let go Grandma.  You've had a full life and brought joy and love to many people.  Close your eyes and let go.